This is my first step. I realize that a change needs to be made. The first step is to admit that I have a problem with food, and oh yes I do have a problem. I may be 5'8 and 138 pounds, not your averge over eater but I eat until my body makes itself puke. I eat to numb the pain. I eat when I am bored. I eat when a boy breaks up for me, or blows me off for a date. I eat when my friends don't call me to hang out. I eat when I get a bad grade. I want to make myself vulnerable again like when I was a child. I don't want to isolate myself anymore and by a stone. This problem is not just about stone. It's about not facing emotions. I need God in my life. I need his help. I need to be vulnerable and let other people into my life and my problems. I cannot handle all of this alone anymore. It is interfering with the rest of my life.
I love my body and I want to be healthy and mentally sane. I can't get into a relationship until I am perfectly content with myself and right now myself needs some work. It's nice that I have the next three weeks off of school so I can just concentrate on this.
Tomorrow I have a busy day ahead of me. I am going to go to U of M Ann Arbor to get all my shit checked out for my juvenille rheumatoid arthritis, then I am going to buy a new bible, one that I can write in and maybe a few self help books. I will also be attending a meeting at 9 pm to get myself some help. It's time to start the journey to recovery and I am so ready. Ive made a few attempts but always got scared and ran away. It's time for a change, I need this. I love myself and I would like to take care of myself. I only have one body and I want to stop abusing it.
So here it is world, I am flawed. It's time to get over this. Food has a hold on me and God I am calling out to you. Unvierse I need your help. Guide me through this, uplift my spirit so I have the strength to heal myself.
I am pledging abstinance from wheat, flour and sugar in an effort to rid my body of the disease of cravings and addicition. I really picked a good time for all of this, right around the holiday season, but I can do it! I am a strong woman, I will regain control of my life!
I am in control. I just need to remember that. Food can no longer have a hold on me. There is more to life than food. I need to face my fears.
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Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to you. I am also a binge eater. I hope your strength is enough to stop this cycle. It is probably hard to do alone, and you really should have support. My height and weight is similar to yours, 5'9" and 142. But I also eat so much my body needs to throw up. I think it is really strong of you to be so determined to stop. I wish you the best of luck!
-Ally